The rules

It’s an ordinary day in
Safeway hunting and gathering.
Much more happens here
than feeding the hungry!

O mighty huntress: here’s
how you navigate at rush time.
There are dangers in the aisles.
Beware your fellow shoppers.

Look for the signs: small teeth bared,
headed for the tender spot,
the evil eye and great rage.
Check all suspicious bulges -

they may hide the fruits
of sticky fingers or a stick-up gun,
or a marriage proposal. (It happens).
The trick is comparison shopping.

If you see her and her ex’s new girl,
turn away your cart in time.
There may be a fight
or at least a confrontation.

The frozen foods aisle is well known
as the place to pretend not
to start a fight, in the so-called
safety of a public space.

Here are the rules: in no order.
Don’t get between me, my food,
my coupon, my deal, my
cheating ex! or the check line.

Don’t think blood couldn’t spill.
It’s called wet clean-up for a reason.
Here’s where you come for 
serious business – Fruit, yes. Squash, yes.

Carrots, yes. Meat, just maybe -
but so much more. It’s dangerous here.
Shop carefully, be wary, and O
my huntress! Come home the safe way.

  news from a small town 7, March 2012